Everyone has a story.
What’s the greatest chapter in your book?
Are there pages where it hurts to look? (Blake Shelton, Mine Would Be You)
For myself, as for others I’m sure, the ages 1-13 were a breeze. All you had to worry about was which friend you were going to have over once the dismissal bell rang. Life was easy, simple. Ever since the age of thirteen my life has seemed to be one of those wooden roller coasters– you know, the ones where you fasten your seat belt and wonder whether your car might slip off the tracks at each and every turn.
I was always told that “College is going to be some of the greatest days of your life!” Oh, really? Is the best part the late nights studying for exams or is it the seventh time you have to tell your parents, “I think I have decided on a different major”? While college might be what you make it (sometimes I find myself being a “Debbie-downer”), college, or the ages of 18-24, can be one of the most confusing times of your life. For some, college is just a time to screw around and see who can hold down their beer the longest. For me, college is what determines the rest of my life. My career affects how much I will be helping out my husband with bills, how fortunate my future children’s lives will be, and much much more.
Right now I am “taking a break” from school to see where I need to be–or what I need to be before I waste anymore of the state’s money. I am working from 8:30-4:30ish at a handyman job for my dad. Needless to say, I am absolutely desperate to get out of there. It’s not the work that is bad (okay some of it is), but it is the dreadful feeling of “wasting my life”; Not knowing how long I am going to be there for. Going back to the earlier quote, the past three years have been one of those “chapters” where it hurts to look. Although some memories are painful to revisit, I am constantly reminded at how much I have grown through them–at how monumentally different the way I think is. I am a much stronger individual and I know now that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
My life, so far, is a reflection of those painful “chapters”. Throughout all the tears and heartache, I have made it here. To this point. I am alive and I am breathing. I may not be where I thought I would be at the age of 21, but you know what?! This is life and nothing about life is expected. I am going to happily take a seat on my wooden roller coaster and know that even though some chapters have hurt and will continue to hurt, I am going to make it through this. God has changed my plans and tonight I think I got a glimpse of what I want to do. Maybe.