My health.

Haha… this should be a good one.

I consider myself to be a fairly “healthy” person… for the most part. But through being a healthy person I get some funny remarks such as:

“Do you ever eat anything?” -my boss, John.

“She is our healthy little eater” -Kathy, my supervisor.

“Gosh you have gotten skinny! Like, anorexicly skinny” -my friend, Laura.

Last but definitely not least, my favorite, “Gosh I would do anything to look like you do!”

That last one if definitely my favorite and causes a laugh inside every time. Why?

Because if you would do ANYTHING to look like me, like you said, you WOULD have a body like mine.

Of course I don’t say that out loud… but I have never been blessed with a good metabolism so to have this body that I have I have to work my butt off! (Literally). (And my boobs if you really want to get technical about it… ;))

But, before I get ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning. I have always grown up with anxiety problems but when I graduate high school, those tendencies really began to show up as well as the new problem, depression. What really caused these issues to show up is graduating high school. Everyone in our high school had/has the dream to get out of Tullahoma once they graduated, unfortunately, my friends had the same idea. So within a matter of months all of my friends were in a different state and I couldn’t accept that change. So, I began to hide in my room for hours at a time. I took anywhere from 1 to 4 naps a day without even realize how toxic my health was becoming.

I remember most nights I would wake up  in the middle of the night for absolutely no reason and just start crying because I was terrified. Complete and absolute terror encompassed me. Every night when I would have one of these “spells” I would be sitting up in my bed ready to run to the bathroom in case I became sick, my breathing would speed up to the point of hyperventilation, I shook like a drug addict, and the thought of taking my life would run through my mind several times just to get rid of this agony that stumbled across my path. I knew that suicide was wrong, selfish, but it wasn’t myself that was rolling these thoughts through my mind. The devil had such a strong hold on my mind. I knew not to give in to him and just look up towards Christ. I remember just praying until I fell asleep for so many nights in a row.

Then, this guy came into my life. Don’t worry, this isn’t about to get all mushy gushy because that is not what this relationship was about and I see that now. This man was a personal trainer and showed me all the ins and outs of health, and strength training. During this time, I still was living off of depression medication and had panic attack medication (which was actually addictive if I took it everyday) in my purse just in case. However, the longer and harder I worked out and really controlled my diet the more I noticed myself growing happier. So, on a whim, (actually more of a test) I quit my medication cold-turkey ( which I know now is not good for my mental health) just to see what would happen.

So what happened? This is the best part of the story.

I didn’t need it anymore! It has been over a year since I quit taking my medication. I haven’t needed it. I mean, I have my bad days but my bad days are manageable, normal. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night and feel anxiety starting to creep in but I quickly combat it with, “In the name of Jesus Christ, get away from my Satan”. I can’t explain it but I literally feel the fear creeping away. Some people have a hard time believing in the concept of satan (haha, my computer wants my to capitalize his name but you are only supposed to capitalize proper nouns and there is nothing proper about it), but I have felt him, felt him breathing down my neck and paralyzing me with incomprehensible terror.

So why is health to important to me?  

Because it allows me to be me. It keeps me healthy in so many ways. Why do you go to the doctor? To maintain your health, correct? That is why I go to the gym–to maintain my health; my mental and physical well-being. You can’t reap enough benefits from health. I haven’t always been like this but I am now and I have not been this happy in a LONG time! You too can do this! It just has to be a conscious effort and a decision to change your life. If you aren’t all the way in than you won’t stick with it, but if you are… there is no telling what all you can do!IMG_2499



Try it, you may like it. 


One Comment Add yours

  1. Mark says:

    I had a panic attack before over loneliness. For sure it is from the devil. This was a great blog and you handled it very well.

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