From the depths of my heart

This is something that I have thought about writing for a while but wasn’t exactly sure how I should go about doing it. 

Even two years after the tragically harmful relationship ended, I still for some unknown reason have people asking why it ended. What I have to say was Why didn’t it end sooner? 

I met this guy who was new to town and started coming to our Sunday school class. Eventually, after much hesitation on my part, I decided to say yes to his persistence in wanting to date me. The first two months was amazing. He was very respectful and got along well with my family–I couldn’t have asked for anything better. But soon, things started going downhill quicker than I could even gather. Whenever we would hang out, every time his phone would go off he would grab it quickly and hide it. Or, if he would get a phone call and we were sitting in his truck, he would excuse himself from the truck, make sure I was staying inside, and shut the door and talk outside the truck so I couldn’t hear. This should have been my first clue. DUH. What was I thinking? 

Don’t worry that’s not the best part!

As you all know, or should know, I am from San Diego and I had planned a trip to go back for 2 weeks to visit family and friends. At this time we had tons of cats, a dog, chickens, ducks, and horses and we needed someone to watch our house. So, I asked the boyfriend– which he happily agreed to house-sitting for us. The NIGHT that I had left, I got a call from my parents stating that they got a call from this girl’s parents wondering where she was (They knew he was watching our house and looked up our home phone number which happened to be my mom’s cell phone). The night I left he hung out with a girl. When I asked why he just said that, “He missed me so much he didn’t want to be alone” (Shoot me). 

Several months went by with so many things like that happening over and over again. Then he started admiring other girls when we would go out. It wasn’t just looking at them–it was telling me what he liked about them. He would tell me, “That girl is thick but she is still pretty hot”, but I noticed that he was really only liked the skinny ones. Then my downward spiral continued and led me to an eating disorder. When we started dating I weighed about 125-ish and I got down to 108 to try to please him and make him happy with me. Which, of course, never worked. 

When we hit the one year mark, he never showed up to go out to dinner or anything. No phone call, just a text. He missed that, Valentine’s Day, and my birthday for several reasons that I know he just made up. 

He caused so much pain and all of my friends and family told me several times which would just lead me to standing up for him even though he didn’t deserve that– any of that. I got so far away from my family to the point where I hated being around them. 

One day I finally got the courage to end it. It broke my heart knowing that I loved him but no matter what I did or would continue trying to do he would never feel the same about me. So a year and four months, I ended it. After ending it, I hated basically all men. (Horrible I know). People would tell me that they got a new boyfriend or were dating someone knew and my reply would always be “Oh that sucks, I’m sorry). 

So without bashing, I just want each and every one of you to really REALLY look at your relationship. If there are things that don’t seem right, trust your gut. Listen to advice and/or warnings from your friends–they are only there to help and love you. If you feel uncomfortable in any relationship, don’t continue with it. Please, please, please don’t ever change yourself for a boy /girl. If they do not love you for YOU then they are not going to be worth your time. Last but not least, you are BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME! You are God’s creation and He loves EVERYTHING about you. He made you just the way to suit someone down the road for you and that person will love you for you! If they don’t, then they are not God’s perfect, all-knowing, match for you. I love each and EVERY one of you and if you have any questions or need my opinion on anything or just some prayers for some concerns please let me know because I know how toxic something that can be to your physical/mental health. God is great and if you listen to Him you will not falter. What a great blessing it is to know that!!


 Until next time friends,

Sarah Joy. 


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