What struggle? Every struggle.
For the past hour, I have been struggling with my very first caffeine headache! YAY! After deciding that that’s what it was,I drowned the headache with coffee. Take that headache! Maybe that was the wrong approach? Struggles are something that every one, unfortunately, has to deal with. Some people struggle with OCD, depression, anxiety, confidence about their appearance–anything and everything someone/anyone can struggle with. I have struggled with a lot of things throughout my somewhat short life. But, although the struggle was so real to me, I have allowed it to take its course and have become a much stronger person throughout it all. Sometimes, a lot of times, struggles have a funny way of doing that. Let me share with you a few of my struggles that throughout this blog, I have slightly brushed on the surface.
I had a little bit of an eating disorder– I abused laxatives. I would eat very small portions and then pop about two laxatives in the afternoon so that it would hit me in the middle of the night. Why in the middle of the night? That way no one knew what I was doing and that when it did happen, everyone would be asleep. I tried to keep it a secret. I started out at about 120 (which was skinny, but not in my mind) and ended at 110 which is right on the edge of being underweight for my height. One night, I had taken some like usual, and the cramps and pain that I felt in my abdomen was so severe that I thought for sure I would end up at the hospital–my stomach had become so large that it looked like I was about six months pregnant. Eventually, the pain for so intense that I ended up throwing up as well, and the pain still endured. That was my turning point. Why was I doing this? Why was I trying to hard to please a boyfriend who obviously didn’t want me the way God made me? I want kids someday and if I keep doing this, that is not going to happen. All of these thoughts just played over and over in my mind until I was done–I had to stop the devil in his tracks, which I did. I was able to break through the struggle that seemed impossible. Some days I have problems with my intestines, and instead of it being a drag, it is almost a blessing. Why? Because it shows me and reminds me what I went through–how far I have come. It’s funny because to this day, I always thought that no one really noticed that I went through what I did, but, every now and then someone will tell me how skinny I got. Yet, I never really noticed a difference. It’s funny how the devil takes a mind so captive.
Although I regret the struggles that I allowed the devil to place in my mind, through those struggles I have been able to help people who have gone through or are going through similar situations. If that is why God wanted me to go through it, I am more than happy to help HIM.
In another blog post I wrote about a severe breakup that I had to go through. Although I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, I am happy that I went through it because I can give other people advice through their hard times. Someday, if my son or daughter has to go through a tough breakup, I can help them work through it and maybe it will help them knowing that I have gone through what they have.
My point to this blog post is that no matter what you have gone through, or may be going through–someone somewhere is dealing with the same exact struggle and you can either run away from your struggles or you can embrace them knowing that God let you go through that situation for a reason. God is all-knowing and you are not. Don’t bury your struggles to an unreachable place–seek and keep your eyes wide for how God will use you through them. It may be painful to revisit them, but God will always use you when you place yourself in HIS arms.