Life always brings changes–that’s lift. However, sometimes I like to throw in my own changes.
There are a few things that have been put on my heart lately and some I am excited about while others I am still, well, getting used to them.
First things first. Yesterday I decided that I was going to delete my facebook and twitter. Why? For a variety of reasons which mostly consist of my dog becoming distant and not wanting to cuddle as much or spend as much time with me. I know now that this was/is because I was spending too much time on my phone. I would spend hours at a time looking at my phone instead of looking at my adorable dog and petting, playing or cuddling with her. Ever since I have put my phone down and deleted things that I DO NOT need (at all), Daisy has been my second shadow yet again and has been so cuddly which I LOVE! Also, as I drive to and from lunch or any errands for that matter I see people outside enjoying the beautiful day! But, how can they see the beautiful day if their head is buried in their phone? Never once do they look up. Jesus himself could sit right next to them and they would never even know it. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be impersonal. I want to enjoy everything that life has to offer me. I want to look around at the trees that are starting to get buds on them, I want to smell the flowers and feel the warm sun on my skin. I am not going to let myself be nonexistent in this world.
My friend Stephanie kind of challenged me with something that I had never really thought about. She said that she was preparing herself for her future husband. She wasn’t going to wait to start exercising, she was going to start growing out her hair (because she wants it to be long in her wedding). It got me thinking about how many times I talk about being exciting to meet “Mr. Right” and how I hope he is a strong christian and how I hope he can lead our family in our walks with Christ. But where was/am I with Christ? No where NEAR where I needed to be. How can I expect my husband to be so strong in Christ if I am no where near? I want to be EVERYTHING my husband is looking for and to be lacking nothing. I want us to be equal (or close) in our walks with the Lord. I want my mind and my heart and my soul to be where it needs to be before I meet “The one”.
Another harder change for me has been gaining weight. If you know me well you know that that is something that is in my mind probably about 75% of the time. I have the biggest fear of gaining weight. Therefore, I eat right (of course I allow cheat days every now and then) and I work out. But, along with working out and gaining muscle, you start to gain weight. It is not fat but rather muscle. My scale goes up and my pants/shorts sizes go up. That is hard. I went shopping for shorts the other day and had to go up two sizes in shorts which practically broke my heart. This can’t be true. I am getting fat. These things kept running through my mind and, a week later, are still running through my mind. I am trying to change my thoughts on the matter and making them positive—but it is so hard. It’s because your legs are finally getting to look the way you have always wanted them too Sarah. They don’t jiggle when you walk. I just have to keep reminding myself and pressing on and almost dig my nails into my mind to change it. And I will. I have never stopped getting better and I am not going to–this includes even my mind. However, prayers would (as always) be appreciated.